Caring for the Family
美佳之窗 His Window 113（ Jan - Mar 2026 ）主流话题
Text by Rev. Matthew
I am Matthew and I have been married for eight wonderful years. I am also blessed with two beautiful daughters, Abby and Ally, who have profoundly shaped my life. This article reflects the lessons I have learned on this incredible yet challenging journey of family care. It is not a guide or a formula for success, but rather a humble attempt to mirror Christ’s love in our marriage and family. My experiences and lessons may not resonate with everyone, but I believe God calls each of us, as parents or couples, to do our best to reflect His love.
Who comes first?
As a pastor, I have often been asked, “Who comes first? The church or your family?” As a younger pastor, I would have answered without hesitation: the church. However, over the years, I have realised my mistake. I had mistaken the church for God.
The Bible clearly teaches us that God comes first (Deuteronomy 6:4-7). The church is a product of faith-filled individuals who love God and gather together. It reflects God, but it is not God itself. Now, my answer is: God first, then family, then the church.
This isn’t controversial because any ministry should never replace God and family. God calls us to be set apart for Him in holiness and devotion, but He never calls us to sacrifice our health and families for the sake of ministry. In my view, the family is second only to God. While ministry will eventually end, family is the enduring unit that stays with us for life. Therefore, it is my responsibility to steward my family in a way that pleases God, so that they can also experience God’s grace.
Communicating Needs
Effective communication is crucial in any relationship, especially within a family. It is important to express our needs and concerns openly and honestly. This helps build trust and understanding, ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued. By communicating effectively, we can navigate challenges and strengthen our bond.
Communication is not particularly strong among Asians. We are better at commanding than communicating and often, when we struggle to speak up, we simply stop altogether. Successful marriages hinge on strong communication.
My wife and I gradually learned to express our needs, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements. Communication has been vital to our marriage but not the magic solution. Now with children, especially daughters, I find it crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship.
My daughters have different communication styles. My eldest calmly expresses her needs while my youngest is a bit more agitated. Learning to understand their needs and communicate appropriately is ongoing. However, one thing is clear: communication doesn’t stop simply because their methods differ.
Successful communication requires both sides. I strive to understand their perspective, especially as a seven and four year old. As a man, I try to be more empathetic with my girls, recognising that their emotional needs may differ from boys. By mirroring Jesus, who descended to the level of humanity as God, we can foster healthier communication and relationships with our children.
My prayer and life goal is to always do my best to communicate with my children, hopefully until they are grown up.
Servanthood
Ultimately, fatherhood is about servanthood. I do not mean this negatively but if you are not willing to serve your family perhaps you should reconsider parenthood.
Marriage is about serving God and your spouse while parenting is about serving God, your spouse and children. We do not literally serve our children but we do so with utmost dedication and responsibility.
I have learned the importance of sacrifice, putting their needs above mine. This takes many forms like sacrificing Netflix and chill time to read stories and play with my girls. Servanthood means being responsible for providing for the family through whatever means possible. It also means helping my wife whenever she needs it without being calculative or petty about who contributes more or less.
Servanthood reflects Christ in our family. Jesus came to serve and He calls us to do the same. As Christian parents, we strive to mirror Christ’s servanthood in our families and through us God can bring about the greatest blessings.
